Anxiety

...and I overestimated my self

tried to hold my ground

tighten my grip on self belief

yet now I fall hard

really hard

shattered in million pieces

knowing that reality

is far from sweet

and I curl

and I dwell

deeper into the pit

of my own anxiety

Never Being Straight

...and I told myself, nothing can be done if you keep on lying?

maybe I'm being sensitive but the way things are now

it won't do me any favor

if I spit it out, does it do me any good?

I'm afraid some people will distant them self from me

and some might loath to be near me from being different

nothing worse then feel rejected and neglected

from the people you put your greatest trust

even now I'm crumbling silently inside

and I thought I've found some one as my support

but it just a dream, hopeless dream

everything shattered into million pieces

that can't be mend

try to work things out on my own

in the dark corner of my cold room

I never truly understand why people commit suicide

for being different

but now, at this very moment

my heart felt the pain, excruciating pain and empathy

for all the people that had lost their way, their life

I understand now

it's never easy being different

never was...

Distant Ray

...and at the end of the day

the only thing that I ever wish for

just your happiness and life fulfillment

your dream and ambition

it may seem like my motivation

had been torn apart by my own decision

but looking at your smile

I saw a small glimmer of distant light

far over the horizon of my heart

painfully beautiful and calming

as I know it is not the end

of our relationship

it just transforming into something

that worth keeping for eternity

and you know it

Quit Trying

...and I've tried my best to fight those feeling

those longing, desire, tempting, even lust

it's an endless inner conflict and struggle

war that I know I can't win in the long run

how badly I wanted my feeling to reach you

yet this unrequited love are no more then self greed

self possession over something or someone

but heart is not something you can easily acquire

I've known that much

and it hurts way too much for oneself to bare

even at the verge of crumbling

please, enlighten me

gave me a sign, any sign, black or white

put my heart at ease