Anxiety

...and I overestimated my self

tried to hold my ground

tighten my grip on self belief

yet now I fall hard

really hard

shattered in million pieces

knowing that reality

is far from sweet

and I curl

and I dwell

deeper into the pit

of my own anxiety

Never Being Straight

...and I told myself, nothing can be done if you keep on lying?

maybe I'm being sensitive but the way things are now

it won't do me any favor

if I spit it out, does it do me any good?

I'm afraid some people will distant them self from me

and some might loath to be near me from being different

nothing worse then feel rejected and neglected

from the people you put your greatest trust

even now I'm crumbling silently inside

and I thought I've found some one as my support

but it just a dream, hopeless dream

everything shattered into million pieces

that can't be mend

try to work things out on my own

in the dark corner of my cold room

I never truly understand why people commit suicide

for being different

but now, at this very moment

my heart felt the pain, excruciating pain and empathy

for all the people that had lost their way, their life

I understand now

it's never easy being different

never was...

Distant Ray

...and at the end of the day

the only thing that I ever wish for

just your happiness and life fulfillment

your dream and ambition

it may seem like my motivation

had been torn apart by my own decision

but looking at your smile

I saw a small glimmer of distant light

far over the horizon of my heart

painfully beautiful and calming

as I know it is not the end

of our relationship

it just transforming into something

that worth keeping for eternity

and you know it

Quit Trying

...and I've tried my best to fight those feeling

those longing, desire, tempting, even lust

it's an endless inner conflict and struggle

war that I know I can't win in the long run

how badly I wanted my feeling to reach you

yet this unrequited love are no more then self greed

self possession over something or someone

but heart is not something you can easily acquire

I've known that much

and it hurts way too much for oneself to bare

even at the verge of crumbling

please, enlighten me

gave me a sign, any sign, black or white

put my heart at ease

Swell

...and this heart is still swelling and throbbing

old scar is still bleeding

a smile and a laugh are what accompany me now 

but you the only one that motivate me 

to feel that love still exist after so much failure 

even the seriousness of your expression 

its still the most beautiful thing to see everyday 

hope it will forever stay 

at least inside this swelling heart 

for it the only way to heal

Shaken Soul

...and we both know the truth

our heart shaken and longing

for something call love

in the purest and honest form

the closeness makes us intimate

the distance makes us glimpse

for each other presence

we talk, we walk, we whisper

heart to heart

silence and sound of foot step

soft blow of midnight wind

proof that this feeling is true

for us

Zen Be At Peace

...and your struggle is my struggle too

for once we try to change the course of our action

but our path is full of circumstances

we climb we fall we broke we heal

and another world echo its zen

a ripple of peace and tranquility

as we sit and breathe

focusing what life meant to be

conflict and conflict no more

but struggle what make us stronger

total together of body and mind

and we be at peace

Stealing Glances

...and there's always an occasion

where we purposely act 

or just begin an impromptu conversation

just to have our eyes meet

staring each other even for the briefest moment

or stealing glances when one of us is not looking

or just a silent meaningful long eye gazing

without any word to put life into it

but enough to heal this longing heart

this desire to be a person that means something to someone

and to be love, and fall in love

Hand of Reality

...and we slept and dreamt

of beauty and ugly

black and white

love and hope

grief and despair

yet reality will push me back

us back to world of living

where bitter truth

is better than sweet lies

Rare Chances

... and sometimes I'll let chances slipped

for it better to maintain than to break

Sometimes chances come in the most perfect time and setting

yet it always the heart that tremble and weak

Sometimes its better for the heart to know

than for the word to lie

Sometimes silence is always the best way

to convey what your heart felt

Maybe, it's just me chasing the shadow

Am I right ...?

Sometimes

...and sometimes people questioned our intention

sometimes we speak out to lessen the burden

sometimes we get motivated from thing we less expected

sometimes we just want to share and find similarities

sometimes it just boil down to how we see our ownself as a person

sometimes it just me and my world, and you with your dream

Losing Am I

...and I hate to admit my defeat

though I keep my feeling in place

but a broken heart is hard to mend

and a huge ego is hard to bend

sorry for not being true to you

and putting a mask of deceit

as to protect this losing relationship

Heart Beating

...and my heart suddenly start beating

your arrival motivated me to keep it together

its been a long time since I feel this way

looking forward every each day

knowing that a simple honest smile

or morning greet makes even a bad day feel better

without need for a long conversation

for that I cherish every moment

moment where you stay beside me

silently know what deeply inside our heart

without a need for word to convey

Cloud Wishes

...and you're so beautiful and cool

like an evening sky and cloud

drifting through me gently

breathing each air you held

Reach Out

...and if one day I fall down hard

would you still pick me up

reach out your strong hand for me to hold

and become the reason for me to love

and live again

Monocrome Rain

...and I feel the tingling sensation 

the chill and cool breeze 

in black and white of this rainy night

and yet still hoping for you to be here

embracing each other for a little warmth

and view this magnificent sight...

Voice of Solitude

...and you said you had move on

but in reality you just escaping from truth

but you're not lonely neither am I

we just separated by our own ego

and you just need some space

and I need my own time

but will your heart longing for me any more...

Uncertain Path

I'm scared if I did something wrong

If the road I'll be taking lead me to wrong path

Regretting when its already too late

All My Prayer

All my prayers and dua's goes to the people of Gaza in Palestine.

May Allah SWT blessed all the syahid citizen the highest paradise.

Al-Fatihah

Storm Inside

...and the sky is clear but will it rain in the evening since its already storm inside my heart.