Mungkin sebab process metamorphosis kat badan ngan otak wat aku terpikir macam macam bender. Biler pikir semula bender yg dah lepas memang terasa gak la. Tengok orang lain sumer bahagia ngan pasangan memasing. bercinta bak nak terpusing dunia. Aku biler lagi? Tak tau. The previous heartbroken wat aku tawar hati nak terima sesiapa wat sementara waktu. Tho I know it just one directional love...and its not normal(pempaham sendiri). Tho now I had forgotten that person. Its not his fault...never been his fault from the beginning. Its my selfishness over my ownself yg jadik camnie. Cemburu buta biler tgk dia dah berpunya. Bodoh sungguh aku. tersangat bodoh. Skang tengok aper dah jadik kat diri aku. Jadik sensitif biler ditanyer soal soal camnie. It unavaoidable... Bercinta lagi? Maybe 10 years from now...I dunno...tho I still hoping and longing for some to love me. Love for who I am not because metarial.
Kadang-kadang terasa nak ada kawan yg leyh luahkan segala bender. And kalau bleh seorang lelaki sebab kat uni skang lebih byk kawan perempuam. Pelik tul. Dulu zaman sekolah leyh gayut ngan member laki lebih sejam macam couple. Time tue borak kosong jer. Dulu sekolah sumer budak laki..mmg dari sekolah rendah gie skool yg all male student. Jadik mmg ramai kawan laki time tue. And tak tau la...mungkin sebab diorang sumer jenis ramah giler...selalu contact umah ajak bual. maner la ader handphone sorang satu time tue, so tepon umah jer. Then luahkan segala galanyer dari A sampai Z. Maser tue aku nie jenis good listener so mmg biasa dengor org dok ngadu damba....masalah tue...masalah nie. Jgn korang raser pelik sebab lelaki pon ader time nak ngadu nasib. Skang nie condition tue dah berbalik kat aku lak...tapi yg make the different. Aku tak tau saper nak contact and saper yg leyh dengor masalah aku. Dulu org tepon aku luah perasaan, tapi skang nie aku.... Memang la ader member rapat yg bleyh call tapi kebanyakannyer pompuan. And tak sumer bender leyh luahkan kat member female eventho diorang mungkin leyh faham but right now yg important is male to male interaction. Skang nie kalau ader per per nak ngadu, terus ngadu kat ibu or my other siblings. Tapi tak semua bender diorang leyh tau kan. Yg kener kept private tue caner lak...takkan nak pendam. Yeah I know i got big bro but his not the tpe yg amik pot bout all this thing.
Kadang-kadang aku wish jumper seorang lelaki yg leyh jadik teman luah perasaan and he also can give good advise to me when needed. Aku dah penat dok bagi org advise...dari study sampai masalah keluarga. Skang nie aku harap org lain leyh bagi good advise lak...and it must kuar dari mulut orang laki..sebb its make major differences to me. I know I might sound a bit gay but tader niat camtue. Maybe sebb environment yg lepas wat aku camnie. You can say that I'm desperate..yeah..really desperate to seek a male friend that can be my savior. Kawan kawan sekolah dulu bukannyer dah luper kat aku, just that diorang pon ader commitment sendiri and problem kener settlekan. I know coz I'm their friend. I heard from them for many years. Skang I hope that someone would spend few minute just to hear isi hati nie. Thats all, aku tak demand lebih dari tue. Even if he a stranger, aku tak kisah sebb mungkin dier lebih nampak the real me. Aku dah menipu diri sendiri terlampau banyak sampai dah keliru siapa aku sebenarnyer. Aku still aku yg dulu....or aku dah berubah jadik seorang yg lain sehingga mendatangkan negative pada diri sendirik? Aku tak pernah tau aku akan jadik camnie...tak penah terpikir...
Kadang-kadang aku...
Shuun
Kadang-kadang terasa nak ada kawan yg leyh luahkan segala bender. And kalau bleh seorang lelaki sebab kat uni skang lebih byk kawan perempuam. Pelik tul. Dulu zaman sekolah leyh gayut ngan member laki lebih sejam macam couple. Time tue borak kosong jer. Dulu sekolah sumer budak laki..mmg dari sekolah rendah gie skool yg all male student. Jadik mmg ramai kawan laki time tue. And tak tau la...mungkin sebab diorang sumer jenis ramah giler...selalu contact umah ajak bual. maner la ader handphone sorang satu time tue, so tepon umah jer. Then luahkan segala galanyer dari A sampai Z. Maser tue aku nie jenis good listener so mmg biasa dengor org dok ngadu damba....masalah tue...masalah nie. Jgn korang raser pelik sebab lelaki pon ader time nak ngadu nasib. Skang nie condition tue dah berbalik kat aku lak...tapi yg make the different. Aku tak tau saper nak contact and saper yg leyh dengor masalah aku. Dulu org tepon aku luah perasaan, tapi skang nie aku.... Memang la ader member rapat yg bleyh call tapi kebanyakannyer pompuan. And tak sumer bender leyh luahkan kat member female eventho diorang mungkin leyh faham but right now yg important is male to male interaction. Skang nie kalau ader per per nak ngadu, terus ngadu kat ibu or my other siblings. Tapi tak semua bender diorang leyh tau kan. Yg kener kept private tue caner lak...takkan nak pendam. Yeah I know i got big bro but his not the tpe yg amik pot bout all this thing.
Kadang-kadang aku wish jumper seorang lelaki yg leyh jadik teman luah perasaan and he also can give good advise to me when needed. Aku dah penat dok bagi org advise...dari study sampai masalah keluarga. Skang nie aku harap org lain leyh bagi good advise lak...and it must kuar dari mulut orang laki..sebb its make major differences to me. I know I might sound a bit gay but tader niat camtue. Maybe sebb environment yg lepas wat aku camnie. You can say that I'm desperate..yeah..really desperate to seek a male friend that can be my savior. Kawan kawan sekolah dulu bukannyer dah luper kat aku, just that diorang pon ader commitment sendiri and problem kener settlekan. I know coz I'm their friend. I heard from them for many years. Skang I hope that someone would spend few minute just to hear isi hati nie. Thats all, aku tak demand lebih dari tue. Even if he a stranger, aku tak kisah sebb mungkin dier lebih nampak the real me. Aku dah menipu diri sendiri terlampau banyak sampai dah keliru siapa aku sebenarnyer. Aku still aku yg dulu....or aku dah berubah jadik seorang yg lain sehingga mendatangkan negative pada diri sendirik? Aku tak pernah tau aku akan jadik camnie...tak penah terpikir...
Kadang-kadang aku...
Shuun
No comments:
Post a Comment