To wife and husband...

Real Reasons ?
----------------------

"TO MY DEAR WIFE,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean. (dirty it again...lol)
17 times it was too late. (come home early next time...)
49 times you were too tired. (buy her some new shoes or jewelery)
20 times it was too hot. (switch on air cond...or do it in bath room)
15 times you pretended to be asleep. (scream that the house is on fire...tolong!!!!)
22 times you had a headache. (Give panadol activefast then do your thing man)
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby. (Do in different room la...lol)
16 times you said you were too sore. (Try to reduce it...)
12 times it was the wrong time of the month. (Find the right time...take note when she have PMS)
19 times you had to get up early. (Told her to cuti the next day)
9 times you said weren't in the mood. (Switch on the DVD player and watch porn together gather)
7 times you were sunburned. (Buy her new suntan)
6 times you were watching the late show. (Throw away all the tv inside the house)
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do. (Aiyoo...which one more important?)
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us. (Build a sound proof wall next time...)
9 times you said your mother would hear us. (How come? She living in the same house? O_O)

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move."

"TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to f**k the cat. (MEOWWWW!!! *frightening cat sound*)
36 times you did not come home at all. (overtime honey...)
21 times you didn't cum. (try different position..it might help)
33 times you came too soon. (watch toooo much porn before)
19 times you went soft before you got in. (alamak...pancit awal lak...sorry sayang)
38 times you worked too late. (no overtime...no extra money sayang)
10 times you got cramps in your toes. (can't help it...)
29 times you had to get up early to play golf. (Need to layan my client....)
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. (Ouchhhhh....@_@...)
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper. (Always remind me to wear brief/spender)
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running. (Panadol cold and Flu is the solution)
2 times you had a splinter in your finger. (Pull it off...aiyoooo!!!)
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day. (no comment....)
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book. (grab the book and slap my peepee)
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc on TV. (again...throw out the TV!!!)

Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were f**king the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe."

Enjoy~!!

Shuun